Keeping my eyes on the prize

I thought for a long time about posting my thoughts on this subject because it is so personal and maybe disturbing to some.:unsure: There may even be some who think that this web site is not even the appropriate place for this subject. But considering that this is the "raft up" where "general chatter, great thoughts, mindless rambling, and frank exchanges" are welcome, I figured I'd give it a shot.

About two months ago I was diagnosed with cancer. Tonsil cancer to be exact. Now this does have something to do with sailing, at least in my case, so stay with me here for a second. I learned to sail about six years ago with my wife. We soon after bought our first boat, a Hunter 285, which we honed some of our sailing skills on. This past spring we bought our Ericson 32 and ended up falling in love with another boat all over again. To be more accurate, we have fallen in love with sailing and all that goes with it.

Now, have tonsil cancer has not been a picnic. I've already had surgery to remove both tonsils (the left one was OK) and about 40 lymph nodes and "associated tissue" from the right side of my neck. I now have a beautiful pirate's scar (or Viking's scar ) about 15" long from behind my right ear to almost my Adam's apple and then down to almost my collarbone. It's all healing well although it's all still a bit numb.

But now comes the hard part. Chemo and radiation treatments, starting in January and going for about nine weeks. Good news is that after it's all done the doctors say that I should (they almost never definitely say "will") be cured. The bad part is that there are a number of side affects that will, as one nurse told me, "kick me in the pants." I won’t go into all the unpleasant details here. By April, I should be at the end of the tunnel and just in time for what? Sailing season, of course!

My prize that I need to keep my eyes on. I've been told to keep something in mind to look forward to in order to get through this little bit of hell call chemo and radiation. Well, that was easy. It was sailing without even thinking about it for more than one second. Something that I've sort of taken for granted and thought would be there for a long time has become the "prize" for me. Other things like family, friends and career are more important too, of course. But sailing has brought together family and friends in a way that most every other pastime never has for my wife and me.

So when the time comes when I might want to puke on my shoes or feel too tired to go to work, I'll be thinking “sailing”. About being on the bay on a broad reach going to no place in particular. Why have I told you all this? Because it's therapeutic for me. At least for my head and like I've been told by my one of my doctors, getting though this is mostly a head game. Attitude is everything.

Stay Strong

Keep thinking happy sailing thoughts,and listen to good sailing music. Rent some sailing videos, and read good sailing novels. Let your mind wander away from the hell you're about to go through. You'll be fine. I promise.

Best wishes!

Wow.

I really don't know what to say, Bob. Your post is certainly welcome here, and your well-being and that of your family is important to everyone who reads this, I'm sure.

Your point about the time spent with your family is an important one. Too many times we go through life and don't pay attention to those things or those people who are the closest to us because we see them all the time and take them for granted. Often, it is only when we are faced with the passing of a loved one or the fragility of our own bodies that the truth forces itself into focus: none of us are here for very long, and in the end, it is the love and warmth shared with family and friends that counts the most.

Anyone who owns a um, 'vintage' sailboat knows how much work, money and aggravation goes into it. In other threads, people have often questioned doing it - if putting those resources and your time into something like a sailboat is worth it. I think this post points to the terrible truth that we all need to face: that regardless if it's a sailboat, a vacation, an evening out with your spouse, a trip to the park with your kids, every-Sunday-to-church, or even going to your in-laws to help keep the peace - time spent with those closest to you is time well spent.

We're each on our own path - we're born alone, and eventually, when we depart this earth, we go alone. Filling ones memory with times spent those who warm your heart is a good thing - in my estimation, the only thing that really matters in the end.

Most people never notice it, but in the movie 'It's a Wonderful Life', there's a scene where George Bailey is in his office, starting to lose it over the missing $8000. As he starts to walk out of his office, he passes a picture of his late father on the wall. The picture was there since the father's death - yet now, in this scene, Frank Capra added a small plaque beneath it that read:


Enjoy the boat and your time with your family and friends - none of us know when our time will come. I know when I go, there will be plenty of memories of times spent on the water with those I love.

//sse

By the way....

I know a little about what I'm talking about.

My prognosis expired last February. I bought my current boat in August. I'm sailing on borrowed time, and I don't intend to stop.

Thanks all!

Thanks friends for the kind words and thoughts. My prospects for beating this thing are good although I am going to have to weather a couple storms to get well again. I'm actually felling fine, for now, but know that the next few months may be a challange. Everyone reacts differently to chemo and radiation, I've been told. This morning I need to go to my radiation facility to have a "simulation" done before receiving treatment. It's sort of a dry run so that they can target the areas in my neck.

We're all sailing on "borrowed" time. We don't really own anything too we're just borrowing it for awhile. Even Donald Trump!

Good luck, and keep thinking positive and toward your first post-radiation sail trip! Although never a good experience, this does give you an opportunity to re-evaluate your p riorities to ensure you are making the most of life and spending it in the way you want--with friends, family and sailing, of course!
Let us know how it goes for you.
Frank.

Therapeutic Effects of Sailing

...especially sailing to "no place in particular".

For me, I believe that sailing has helped me manage a lot of my stresses.

Stresses of work.

Stresses of family.

Stresess induced by self-identity issues.

I believe that stress comes from being in an environment where you have little influence... much less control, and that discharging a lot of that stress by bending an elemental force of nature-- either on a reach or close-hauled-- is a measure of control that we, dealing with others in the workplace or regular life, is almost completely missing.

So, despite the work involved in setting up and taking down, even a short sail, with a fist-full of mainsheet harnessing the wind to your will, is a memory to treasure...

...and what *are* we, if we don't have memories to savor?